I see Berkeley, you see Berkeley

As an academic scholar at Arizona State University visiting the campus of another high-profile institution of higher learning, U. C. Berkeley, I feel an urgency to participate in and understand as deeply and profoundly as possible the architecture, academics, cuisine, and student culture here. This desire stems from, I believe, a deep-seated investigative need. My motivation for discovery really centers on one pressing question: Which is better, expensive and elite U. C. Berkeley or my own inclusive and affordable ASU?

In order to conduct impartial research, I did my best to blend into the crowed by dressing as a native Berkleyan.

Much to my surprise, I was the only person in sight wearing tie-dye. Apparently most Berkeley students are Asian and kind of nerdy.

Berkeley proudly boasts a grove of native Redwood trees plunging into the sky which began their lives hundreds of years before UC Berkeley was even conceived.

You heard correctly, UC Berkeley didn’t even plant them. In this sense, ASU’s patches of prickly-pear are every bit as impressive.

 Berkeley has a lot of hills. This means you have to climb a lot of stairs. ASU, on the other hand, is completely flat. So while Berkeley students may have better glutes, ASU students don’t have to work as hard.

This fruit salad is EXACTLY IDENTICAL to the fruit salad found at every market and dining hall at ASU. I cannot comment on price differences because my friend bought it for me.

I was shocked to discover that, unlike ASU, which plays recordings of bells from loudspeakers on top of the MU, Berkeley actually has a real bell tower with real bells. How utterly 15^th century. Get with the times, bro.

Berkeley does have a couple cool buildings:

As I wandered amongst these striking structures I couldn’t help imagine what it would be like to study among such splendor. No doubt, as you passed through each colonnade on your way to class, you would feel as though to learn, to study, to push the boundaries of human knowledge was something that was not only important, but valued. Every pediment and frieze would be an encouraging hand reaching out, beckoning you onward to the edge of the known, to the fullest extent of your intellectual capacity. Education would not seem like a means to a degree, but a glorious end in itself, something in which to take pride and place your passion. But of course, with the proliferation of online learning (one of ASU’s strong suits by the way), physical classrooms are pretty much obsolete.

Which is better? I’ve stated the facts, you draw a conclusion.