Philosophy of 8th Grade

On Tuesday I talked philosophy with an 8^th grader. I dropped some Sartre and Camus, he provided some ideas of his own. The illustrations are his.

Question 1) What happens after you die?

A bit taken aback by his boldness, I only managed to stammer disjointedly until he took over: We know that often times when a person has a near death experience or dreams, they are not able to remember it afterwards. This is because at these times the pineal gland secretes an acid that inhibits memory formation. When a person dies, the pineal gland dumps the maximum amount of this acid into a person’s brain. We also know that energy cannot be created or destroyed. So, when a person dies, their life energy leaves their body and floats through the universe (not in heaven, not in hell, and certainly not in purgatory). Eventually this life energy finds its way into another body, a person being born. However, we don’t remember the lives that our souls have lived prior to our current life because of the memory-erasing enzyme of the pineal gland. So as a result, you could formerly be anyone from Jesus to Hitler.

Question 2) It all started with a big bang. But what happened before that?

Once again, I was unable to string together a coherent response. He provided a viable theory: Before the big bang there were two molecules, one was positive and the other negative. They got in a fight and kept bashing themselves into each other faster and faster until finally they fused into one molecule and exploded -- the big bang.

Question 3) Where do you stand regarding the Pittsburgh Zombie Dog experiment?

 

With no idea what he was talking about, I attempted to distract him by changing the subject to a recent discovery by Lawrence Kraus, but he promptly intervened and described the recent experiment in Pittsburgh that involved killing dogs by replacing their blood with a saline solution and leaving them for three hours before reintroducing the blood and bringing the dogs back to life.

Question 4) Have you heard of the “New Earth” (an Earth-like planet) recently discovered in a faraway galaxy?

 

No. Hence, I am pictured beneath a rock.